I still have 20 days to the grand finale. Its a mixed feelings though, hmmm... the happy thing is yes finally its over but the sad thing is if things dun turn out the way I hope to be then it would be another episode.
I am quite lost as I do not know wat to expect in me and I need alot of strength to carry on and carry out all needs to be prepared this 20 days. Its really a very heartache episode as the moment you think of all the negative thoughts tears would start rolling on.
我天天念佛念观世音菩萨，希望他们能给与我加持度我度过这场难关。我为我的贪念真心做忏悔，因为这件事我也付出了惨痛的代价。名誉扫地，生意失败，破产，天天要提心吊胆等等。。。。。。我今天突然有种想法，如果这些都是我的果报我接受，如果这些能换来偿还我一时的贪念我愿意承受。只求佛菩萨大发慈悲原谅弟子，让弟子度过这一场难关，帮助弟子顺利上诉，我愿一心一意真心修佛永不再犯。
这是我的愿望我的心愿希望能达成。而我最放不下的还是我可怜的老公。这些日子因为叔公的事导致整个人气脉不顺，全家都认为他疯了。如果我不在了，我真不知道他一个人怎么面对。我也没办法留什么钱给他，因为自己也身无分文，真不知道该怎么办。
我一定要有信心，相信佛菩萨的力量帮我度过这场难关！一定要！
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
人生无常
大年除夕送走了叔公。叔公患有癌症不过是急性的，发现时已经是后期了。
这些日子以来，我们是战友。 为何怎么说呢？ 因为我们一起经历了一段抗病魔的岁月，队员有叔公，大姑，二姑，小姑和老公。我真的没有想到与病魔搏斗了几个月，最终还是打败了！真的很突然我一时间无法接受，我们历尽了那么多度过了重重的难关，但结果这最后一关却过不了。 我很伤心，很难过，一直在谴责自己我无法面对姑姑们。
虽然心有不舍但是生就是死的开始，死就是生的开始。我们应该欢喜接受才对，但人往往都是如此只想看到好的，开心的不想看到不好的不开心的。人生真的没有永恒的，曲终人散，总有一天我们都会分离的。 所以说不要太执著于一切，这样我们的心灵才能获得平静。
叔公虽然走了，但是他的精神是带不走的。我会永远记得他跟我说的这番话：我们人做事要靠自己，千万不要靠别人，除非是你不得以才求助于人。
我的战友走了，活着的应好好的活下去，继续完成我们的使命。
经历了这一切，使到我觉得人生短短几十年，要珍惜我们拥有的一切。不要执著太多凡是看开点，接受事实，尽力做好我们应该做的事，这样人生活着才没有遗憾！
最后，我要对叔公说，虽然你走了，不要担心，我还是会尽力帮助，照顾好叔婆及姑姑们的，这点请放心！我和ah yap是不会放弃他们的。你安息吧！
永在怀念中！
这些日子以来，我们是战友。 为何怎么说呢？ 因为我们一起经历了一段抗病魔的岁月，队员有叔公，大姑，二姑，小姑和老公。我真的没有想到与病魔搏斗了几个月，最终还是打败了！真的很突然我一时间无法接受，我们历尽了那么多度过了重重的难关，但结果这最后一关却过不了。 我很伤心，很难过，一直在谴责自己我无法面对姑姑们。
虽然心有不舍但是生就是死的开始，死就是生的开始。我们应该欢喜接受才对，但人往往都是如此只想看到好的，开心的不想看到不好的不开心的。人生真的没有永恒的，曲终人散，总有一天我们都会分离的。 所以说不要太执著于一切，这样我们的心灵才能获得平静。
叔公虽然走了，但是他的精神是带不走的。我会永远记得他跟我说的这番话：我们人做事要靠自己，千万不要靠别人，除非是你不得以才求助于人。
我的战友走了，活着的应好好的活下去，继续完成我们的使命。
经历了这一切，使到我觉得人生短短几十年，要珍惜我们拥有的一切。不要执著太多凡是看开点，接受事实，尽力做好我们应该做的事，这样人生活着才没有遗憾！
最后，我要对叔公说，虽然你走了，不要担心，我还是会尽力帮助，照顾好叔婆及姑姑们的，这点请放心！我和ah yap是不会放弃他们的。你安息吧！
永在怀念中！
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
回想当年。。。。。。
无意间翻看到几年前所拍下的照片。 顿时感到感触很深。看着画面上的种种事物只能感叹景物依在人事已非。
我所认识的人，曾经与我并肩作战的人现在都变成了陌生人。看见家人的照片觉得自己好像很对不起他们尤其是父母。这些年来如果没有他们我想我已经撑不下去了。
看了这些照片觉得自己变化还蛮多的，不知是老了，胖了还是瘦了，只有一种想哭的感觉，鼻很酸。我真不知道该如何面对这一切，如何跟父母解释。哎！我觉得很衰啦！
一个曾经那么有抱负被家人认为很有前途的一个人竟然落得如此下场！失败呀失败啊！古人说"英雄也有落难时"这句话实在很有意思。
可是换个角度来看，目前我的确是陷入了谷底，但是我深信天无绝人之路，总会让我走出来的。只要我不放弃一定能重现光辉的。 要有信念要坚持要相信！Have Faith!
牛年将至，希望在新的一年里我能扭转乾坤！我的心愿是，上诉成功，还我清白！家人健康开心！
我所认识的人，曾经与我并肩作战的人现在都变成了陌生人。看见家人的照片觉得自己好像很对不起他们尤其是父母。这些年来如果没有他们我想我已经撑不下去了。
看了这些照片觉得自己变化还蛮多的，不知是老了，胖了还是瘦了，只有一种想哭的感觉，鼻很酸。我真不知道该如何面对这一切，如何跟父母解释。哎！我觉得很衰啦！
一个曾经那么有抱负被家人认为很有前途的一个人竟然落得如此下场！失败呀失败啊！古人说"英雄也有落难时"这句话实在很有意思。
可是换个角度来看，目前我的确是陷入了谷底，但是我深信天无绝人之路，总会让我走出来的。只要我不放弃一定能重现光辉的。 要有信念要坚持要相信！Have Faith!
牛年将至，希望在新的一年里我能扭转乾坤！我的心愿是，上诉成功，还我清白！家人健康开心！
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Life has fallen apart once again!
我的人生好像真的毁坏不堪了，身败名裂了。 老天啊，我从不害人为什么会这样？真想死了算了！
我现在走头无路了，我到底该怎么办啊！除了难过以外，我还能怎么样？感觉好像要被赶尽杀绝似的。老天！为什么要这样呢？
求求你啦！放过我啦！
我现在走头无路了，我到底该怎么办啊！除了难过以外，我还能怎么样？感觉好像要被赶尽杀绝似的。老天！为什么要这样呢？
求求你啦！放过我啦！
Saturday, January 17, 2009
1st post for 2009!
牛年即将来临了。有什么展望呢？ 我是希望一切坏的赶快过去，让我重新开始过我的生活！
The date ｈas been fixed for 6th March 2009 - Friday. I'm having mixed feelings about the whole thing. Within this short span of time, can I really settle what needs to be done? Guess there are alot of plannings to do. Cos no matter what was put to me, I am still not thinking of the positive side. I must be prepared for the worst. Yesterday, someone not very closed to me revealed that I was on propaganda and send me the link to it. Shit man! with my face also! I was so affected by the whole damn idiotic thing. But after a while, I thought to myself, what's done cannot be undone, no point getting affected by it. 轻者自清！I dun have to bother what opinions ppl will have on me as long as my conscience are cleared. Who cares?
The next couple of weeks will be a hectic week for me, I better start planning my work and settle whatever needs to be settled and not be panic at the end of the day.
Recently I sensed that something is going wrong in my body. I dunno what is it, but they were signs of pregnancy. It is hard for me to believe it as I am having PCOS as diagnosed by 2 docs before and if I am really preggo then its a miracle. I did a test last sunday but it turned out to be negative. I am not sure if I should test again this week. I am happy if this is really a miracle for me, but on the other hand, I ａｍ ａ ｌｉｔｔｌｅ ｄｉｌｅｍｍａ， Ｉ ｗａｎｔ ｉｔ ｂｅｃｏｓ ｈｅ ｃａｎ ｓａｖｅ ｍｅ ｏｒ Ｉ ｒｅａｌｌｙ ｗａｎｔ ｉｔ ｂｅｃｏｓ Ｉ ｗａｎｔ ｉｔ？Ｔｈｉｓ ｉｓ ａ ｖｅｒｙ ｓｔｒａｎｇｅ ｆｅｅｌｉｎｇ Ｉ ａｍ ｅｘｐｅｒｉｅｎｃｉｎｇ ｒｉｇｈｔ ｎｏｗ．
不管怎么样，只希望一切平安就好了！祝福大家一切安好！
The date ｈas been fixed for 6th March 2009 - Friday. I'm having mixed feelings about the whole thing. Within this short span of time, can I really settle what needs to be done? Guess there are alot of plannings to do. Cos no matter what was put to me, I am still not thinking of the positive side. I must be prepared for the worst. Yesterday, someone not very closed to me revealed that I was on propaganda and send me the link to it. Shit man! with my face also! I was so affected by the whole damn idiotic thing. But after a while, I thought to myself, what's done cannot be undone, no point getting affected by it. 轻者自清！I dun have to bother what opinions ppl will have on me as long as my conscience are cleared. Who cares?
The next couple of weeks will be a hectic week for me, I better start planning my work and settle whatever needs to be settled and not be panic at the end of the day.
Recently I sensed that something is going wrong in my body. I dunno what is it, but they were signs of pregnancy. It is hard for me to believe it as I am having PCOS as diagnosed by 2 docs before and if I am really preggo then its a miracle. I did a test last sunday but it turned out to be negative. I am not sure if I should test again this week. I am happy if this is really a miracle for me, but on the other hand, I ａｍ ａ ｌｉｔｔｌｅ ｄｉｌｅｍｍａ， Ｉ ｗａｎｔ ｉｔ ｂｅｃｏｓ ｈｅ ｃａｎ ｓａｖｅ ｍｅ ｏｒ Ｉ ｒｅａｌｌｙ ｗａｎｔ ｉｔ ｂｅｃｏｓ Ｉ ｗａｎｔ ｉｔ？Ｔｈｉｓ ｉｓ ａ ｖｅｒｙ ｓｔｒａｎｇｅ ｆｅｅｌｉｎｇ Ｉ ａｍ ｅｘｐｅｒｉｅｎｃｉｎｇ ｒｉｇｈｔ ｎｏｗ．
不管怎么样，只希望一切平安就好了！祝福大家一切安好！
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Goodbye 2008, Welcome 2009!
Time really flies, today marks the last day of 2008. Will be having dinner and a get together session with my close relative tonight. My brother asked me last night, what shall we do after the dinner? I told him, let's find a quiet corner to do some self reflections on the events and whatever happening to us in 2008.
Yes, reflection.... 2008 what a year for me! As in all my previous entries, I've experienced everything bad for me in life in 2008.
1. Going through a long ordeal which lasted 28 days;
2. Wow, first time in my life on the propaganda;
3. Loss everything, freedom, monies, pride;
4. My great uncle was diagnosed with cancer;
5. Loss of my goals for the first time in life;
6. Car got towed by LTA (bcos I have no money to pay road tax!)
7. All kinds of summons, you name it I have it;
Well, though all bad things happened to me in 2008, that is not the worst. I've gained alot too! I've gained and learned to treasure kinship,love. Whatever it is, whats happened has already happened. You can't turn the clock back, look ahead and move on! I am especially grateful that I can celebrate Christmas, new year and even Chinese New Year with my close ones. Really, that's really something that I am really grateful about it!
人生不如意十之八九，得到的不一定会永远，失去的不一定不再拥有！珍惜眼前人，所有的一切。过去就算了不要在执著一切。事事难预料，耐心等待我的奇迹。只要相信就一定会有！
告别我人生最阴暗的2008，迎接全新的2009。我2009年的展望是什么？希望一切最坏的都过去，我要重新开始。慢慢酝酿我的人生！
Yes, reflection.... 2008 what a year for me! As in all my previous entries, I've experienced everything bad for me in life in 2008.
1. Going through a long ordeal which lasted 28 days;
2. Wow, first time in my life on the propaganda;
3. Loss everything, freedom, monies, pride;
4. My great uncle was diagnosed with cancer;
5. Loss of my goals for the first time in life;
6. Car got towed by LTA (bcos I have no money to pay road tax!)
7. All kinds of summons, you name it I have it;
Well, though all bad things happened to me in 2008, that is not the worst. I've gained alot too! I've gained and learned to treasure kinship,love. Whatever it is, whats happened has already happened. You can't turn the clock back, look ahead and move on! I am especially grateful that I can celebrate Christmas, new year and even Chinese New Year with my close ones. Really, that's really something that I am really grateful about it!
人生不如意十之八九，得到的不一定会永远，失去的不一定不再拥有！珍惜眼前人，所有的一切。过去就算了不要在执著一切。事事难预料，耐心等待我的奇迹。只要相信就一定会有！
告别我人生最阴暗的2008，迎接全新的2009。我2009年的展望是什么？希望一切最坏的都过去，我要重新开始。慢慢酝酿我的人生！
Thursday, December 25, 2008
24-12-2008 - blessed
This christmas was pretty meaningful for me. Cos its my youngest brother "big day". He is proposing to his girlfriend of 8 years! Am happy to be able to participate in this whole "plot". We went to get the necessary stuff ready and then by the stipulated time frame me and my younger brother (who is in the middle among the 3 of us) quickly went straight to the venue for preparation.
The venue is at Swissotel Stamford Level 59. It was meant to be a surprised for Jan (my youngest brother girlfriend). We gotta prepare the candles, roses, etc. The end effect was fantastic!
Had a quiet christmas with wei my younger brother this year at the lobby lounge after that. We enjoyed our drinks and chatted happily. The couple rang us up and invited us up to their room after the big surprised! Hee... our main cast of the day was so touched that she cried.
Well, everything in life is really impermanent. I've learnt to treasure my family, friends and all things around me even more. I am grateful of what I have, what I can, what i am this day.
Merry Xmas!
The venue is at Swissotel Stamford Level 59. It was meant to be a surprised for Jan (my youngest brother girlfriend). We gotta prepare the candles, roses, etc. The end effect was fantastic!
Had a quiet christmas with wei my younger brother this year at the lobby lounge after that. We enjoyed our drinks and chatted happily. The couple rang us up and invited us up to their room after the big surprised! Hee... our main cast of the day was so touched that she cried.
Well, everything in life is really impermanent. I've learnt to treasure my family, friends and all things around me even more. I am grateful of what I have, what I can, what i am this day.
Merry Xmas!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
